Train announcement #7

Passengers, please be advised that this train is taking a detour to avoid the centre of the city due to the high steel fences, street-corner loudspeakers and moving eyes that fix you. This is not to say they have constructed high fences over the tracks – I am merely avoiding the area in protest. No one consulted me about the special event clearways and the call for everyone to catch public transport. I doubt they consulted you either. Clearly you would not have supported being fenced out of your own city to make way for the motorcade. They huddle and whisper about trade ties and their version of climate change while you're walled out along economic lines dreaming of empty plastic bags slow-dancing on carbon gas.

While we are at it, when did they change my voice? Where's my drawl? I don't care about sounding more professional – the nondescript accent makes me sound like the uppity twit you all despise. When there are guests they bring out the good china and banish us upstairs to our cold lightless rooms to shiver and cry. Bloody typical. Oh forget the whole thing. I'm done. Get off me now, all of you. I'm going to move earths to burrow into subterranean woods.